I like films, I like them a LOT! I would even like to make films if I could muster up a budget… So sometimes films make me want to cry, not because I am deeply moved or emotional, but because they make me want to scream at the screen “WHO FUNDED THIS PIECE OF S**T!?!?” Well one such, tear-inducing-cringe-fest is the amazingly well named Mega Piranha… Yeah
For those devoid of taste, feel free to follow this link and become a fan… for the rest here is a template email to send them.
Dear The Asylum,
I am a poor boy from a poor family, spare me my life from this monstrosity. You see the thing is you obviously spend you know money on these films. And I want to know HOW? I mean if i went to the bank and asked for some money to make a film called mega piranha I am fairly certain they would laugh me out of there. I have many film Ideas, perhaps you could give me some money to make a film. i assume you don’t need a script or even a concept in order to finance a film… you know, judging by your other films.
Well anyway, have a good day, but please for the sake of our children, or ME don’t make anymore shite films. please. give the money you would use to make a film and just give it to charity. Or hire a good director. or one good actor. Your next film should just be ONE good actor in a room doing whatever they want… sounds a bit boring but trust me when I say the world would be grateful.
Now I shall slink back into darkness from wence I came, and only return when I am needed again by the people of earth… Or when there is another Mega Piranha film… Perhaps Mega Piranha2: Keep on Bitin’
Mega Piranha2: Piranhas Bit back
Mega Piranha2: Bite back to the future
Mega Piranha2: Ouch I’ve just been bit by a huge-fuck-off piranha, some might even say MEGA… Yeah I like that… I’ve been bitten by a huge-fuck-off-mega Piranha… OUCH.